Something happened last night.
In the dead of night after Julien had finally settled down (it was a long road to sleep) and after I’d been sleeping lightly for an hour or two, I woke up completely alert and aware. Light from the lamp outside slanted in through the blinds casting narrow bands of black onto the wall and up onto the ceiling where the shifting of the streetlight outside from green to yellow to red and back danced a merry round.
In the tinted darkness something not-quite-whispered: “It’s going to be all right.”
I took a deep breath and let it out and as I did something heavy eased off of my shoulders and the wound in my heart closed up, releasing all the pain into the quiet of the night.
A few tears slipped out of my eyes and I rested my head back down onto the pillow and fell deeply asleep.
Eight or so hours later I woke up feeling refreshed and more like myself than I have in a very long time.
Sebastien was up already, out in the living room deeply engrossed in a book and Julien was giggling and hiding under the covers, peeking over the edge of the quilt at me with one bright blue eye.
I pushed open the window and breathed in the cold, clean winter air and watched the breeze toying with a dead leaf on the tree outside in the sun.
“You can do it. Everything is going to be all right,” I whispered to myself and got dressed to face the day.