Waking Up From A Long Winter’s Nap

So here it is, February and I haven’t written anything meaningful, except for the odd entry in my paper journal since my last entry here. I didn’t really intend to take a long hiatus, I just haven’t had much in the way of creative bandwidth for the past few months.

I suppose it’s par for the course, during the first trimester of a pregnancy – I’ve had morning sickness, terrible fatigue that makes me lethargic and my hormones have gone predictably haywire too, with spells of weepiness and irrationality to that are at least familiar from last time, if no easier to deal with.

Between the end of the year and now, there’s been a lot of sickness other than morning sickness running around in our lives too. I’ve had to take more time off than I intended and am well in the red on paid time-off. This does not bode well for my maternity leave planning. Our saving grace is that our overall budget has been in the black since November and we’ve been stashing a tidy sum of money away every month to save up for this baby, my maternity leave and other things that warrant saving up for. We wound up getting a sizeable chunk of money back on taxes too, which has suddenly doubled the amount in our savings account. Our goal of saving a certain amount before Pip arrives will happily, be reached well before Pip’s due date!

It seems surreal suddenly, to actually have a robust savings account. We’ve lived paycheck to paycheck for so long that it’s all I really know. The endless penny counting to make sure everything will get paid. Biting my nails until the rent check clears. Sweating bullets about timing between the rent payment and the childcare payment and whatever else has had to be paid.

Surreal as it is, it also feels damn good. I have some leeway, I can actually buy some things for Pip that I couldn’t afford for Vic. We were very dependent on the generosity of friends and family to outfit Vic – not that I don’t appreciate their kindness, but I’m glad I don’t have to be in that position this time. We can take care of most of what Pip needs ourselves and if our loved ones want to indulge him/her a little on top of that, that’s great too.

As I move into my second trimester, the sickness has abated, my energy levels are returning and my outlook on things is improving. Unfortunately, we’re currently battling another bout of viral illness which is a downer and is eating into my PTO all the more, but Vic is on the mend, I’m feeling better today than yesterday if very very tired and I’m hoping that I’ll be able to start kicking butt in all the areas of my life that have lain fallow since the morning sickness and other symptoms became a serious distraction.

I really do feel like I’m waking up from a winter’s nap – the weather has shifted here in the Bay Area, even though it’s still rainy, the air has softened and winter is on its way out. I’ve got ideas swimming in the back of my head, dreams to make into realities and plans to implement. Here’s hoping for a productive Spring!