We meant to get our tree today. It’s a bit of a tradition to pick up Christmas trees on my mother’s birthday and decorate. Things have just been a little crazy and doldrummy around here so we went to 5Guys for comfort food instead when we should have been down the street stomping the tree lot in the cold.
Tomorrow though, we really need to make that stop, get the tree up, put some lights on it and try to infuse the house with some holiday cheer. I guess we’re all suffering a little from post-move blues, the actuality of having traveled 3000 miles to resettle back in my ‘hometown’ finally hitting us smack between the eyes.
Vic’s the one who’s feeling it the most of course. His mood keeps deteroriating further and further, his frustration levels rising as it gets colder and colder outside. This morning he spent about 15 minutes crying about wanting to go back to California where it’s warm. He’s alternately limp and tired or hyper and stimming like crazy, hands flicking rapidly against his knee and waving in the air. Autism sucks. It just does. I hate seeing my son getting locked back up inside his own head when he was just starting to emerge again after a lot of hard work and access to the right program for him.
I guess in the end, as much as the joy of the season ought to make us all feel better, I’m having trouble finding it. There’s too many loose ends untied from this move, too much going on and day to day it’s a struggle to remind myself of all those things I know I am thankful for. The little improvements that make this decision to move here worth it.
So, tomorrow we’ll find a tree and we’ll find a star for Victor to put on top because he asked and hopefully that will make his face light up for a little while.