November 4, 1999

It Always Comes as A Surprise

I can't be cool
or nonchalant
Call me an impulsive fool
You're all I want
You may be right
It's too much too soon
to talk of love all night
in your bedroom

I don't know why
it always comes as a surprise
to find
I'm here with you
You smile
and I am rubbing my eyes
at a dream come true

  -- Pet Shop Boys © 1996

Autumn Air

The weather turned balmy for Halloween -- a keen disappointment for one such as I, who enjoys feeling that tinge, that bite of cold in the air while running around in the dark chasing after treats.

Though of course, I wasn't chasing after treats and haven't for many years now. No I was sitting quite civilly in a lovely costume on a chair in my friends' basement making arch comments about a horror film.

What I really wanted to watch, was Practical Magic and Hocus Pocus two slightly cornball flicks, but both carry that feeling of fall, that sense of crisp leaves and fresh air that I associate with the holiday and this time of year.

Instead it was Prince of Darkness which, as I said before, isn't very scary, but is plenty gruesome. That's what I don't understand about horror films -- why they settle for gruesome, which is disturbing and stomach churning, but not necessarily frightening.

See, The Blair Witch Project had much more fright-inducing potential if only because it was playing with the mind and the imagination, not the gut.

Seven was both gruesome and frightening. In fact I think the right term for it would be horrifying. Yes, I was horrified upon exiting the movie theater and it took a couple of hours of walking around in the green woods, getting last in touch with the earth under my feet before I could shake off the nasty pall that film cast over me.

The Lady in White, was a scary film. I saw it no less than three times on HBO. It wasn't the very best film, but it was wound full of tension and suspense.

Psycho was scary. I'm still scared of getting into the shower more than ten years after seeing the film. I only saw it once, but I still remember the whole thing and it still scares me. Now that's a scary film -- one that leaves a long-lasting and indelible impression upon the viewer.

In general, I've avoided watching horror movies over the years, because I have so much trouble shaking the fear. I am easily affected by scary movies, so much so that I am endlessly seeing the films over and over in my mind long after I've turned off the T.V. left the movie theater, switched off the VCR.

In the last year or so, I seem to be making up for lost ground though and I find that along with growing up, I'm more able to handle scary movies.

Most of them are laughable in the complete and utter lunacy, replete with bad acting, worse special effects and corny storylines.

Of course, I'll have to reserve judgement until after I've seen the Nightmare on Elm Street films though. I still hesitate at those though, if only because the concept of a malicious spirit who kills in dreams is terrifying all by itself. I don't need to see the films to be afraid of something like that.

In fact, not unlike The Blair Witch Project, the trailers for the Nightmare movies were always perfectly capable of scaring the bajeezus out of me all by their lonesome selves, even the the later flicks that were apparently quite awful.

Oh yeah and Scream 2 wasn't very scary either -- was the first one better?

Anyway, I woke up this morning with Pearl pressed tightly against my side and for a moment in a sleep-induced haze, she felt so cold and so still that I thought she had died.

Worriedly I stroked her silky fur and called out her name -- no answer, so I sat up to check more closely. Very slowly with a tiny squeak of annoyance she reluctantly uncurled from the tight ball she had tucked herself into and repositioned herself at my hip.

Yes, she was cold, but she wasn't dead, but just as much of a morning person as I am.

The other piddies are all full of the dickens, these days too -- Tiger and Mephisto were most insistent about being allowed into the bedroom this morning. I have no doubt that they were trying to escape the blustery cold that blew up last night and was invading the living room through the open screen door.

I came to work armed with scarf and hat today -- the first warm garments of the season, though I am not yet to the point of switching to my winter jacket. It's still too lovely out to warrant bundling up in all those layers of fabric.

I would have been glad of my sweater today at lunch though -- Sabs came to pick me up and we went to Edgardo's. The brick oven was warm, the soup was hot, but the room was icy. We both shivered until we had some hot soup and calzone tucked inside.

Edgardo's makes truly delicious calzones. The crust was both crisp and flaky, yet soft and doughy at the same time and the filling … ooey gooey mozzarella and a taste of goat's cheese with red onion, lots of garlic and a hint of prosciutto. Yum yum yum yum.

Unfortunately, I've put last on 10 of the 20lbs I lost -- a phenomenon that can be tied directly to the Café Sequoia.

Their food is too good and my resistance to grilled cheese is proving to be terribly low especially as the weather turns crisp and the desire for something warm in the belly peaks.

So I'm going to try to eat at the café less and bring in tuna fish sammiches from home more often. I've been using the blender to puree the fish into a fluffy mousse-like consistency, with just a touch of mayo to help it emulsify.

It's very spreadable like that, reminiscent of the excellent pain croustillant tuna and tomato sandwiches that I used to eat every day in Geneva.

In essence, I'm putting myself on "the Geneva diet" and if I start biking to work at least twice a week, the weight should start to go. It worked once before, it should work again right?

Of course the effort is more in making myself eat more at regular intervals instead of forgetting to eat and then having one large meal at a late hour in the evening.

But I'm doing better with that, now I've just got to add in the exercise. It's the only thing that's going to save my rear from endless spreading.

My goal: to fit last into my prom dress.

That may sound herculean to some, but that dress is a size 14.

I don't think that a 14 is too much to ask of myself or the Fates. It's a perfectly healthy size, a reasonable goal to shoot for. It'd be so nice to be able to wear my favorite pair of jeans again … or my favorite dress that I wore to my Aunt Susan's wedding … or my "Juliet" garb, a low-necked side-lacing red velvet number with a creamy white shift.


Now if I could just get Sabs into going to the gym again ... we keep mentioning it and then skirting the issue. Now that we come home at about the same time, there's no reason why we shouldn't go to the gym for an hour after work. If we go straight there from work, we won't be tempted to veg out on the couch either.

We could go hit the machines for 45 minutes, come home, have dinner and THEN veg out.


Hrmmm ... rambly today. I don't know where this chatty streak came from. Just out of the blue all of a sudden I feel like talking lots and lots and lots.

Maybe it's just the autumn air that has gotten into my blood and revitalized me, even though I feel tired tired, tired, every night. Kind of like when I was a little girl and would play outside until I dropped, the fresh air and the activity making me sleepy and easily led off to bed.

Work got more interesting today as a conference call to one of the groups we're designing for gave me a better sense of the direction they want their site to go in. I now have a full profile of items to work on and the project is beginning to feel more and more like the GW project, except with a more reasonable time line and less of a learning curve.

I already know ColdFusion and I am at least passingly familiar with Access, so creating their applications in CF with an Access lastend shouldn't be too tricky.

It's the apps themselves that will be interesting and challenging and you know ... that's a good feeling.

11.03.99 | archive | narrative | mail | 11.05.99