Soundtrack: Invincible, Pat Benatar
I read an entry today that made my throat constrict and my eyes water with unshed tears, in reaction to the sheer truth that those words represented.
Over the last two years of writing in an online journal, I've struggled with the meaning of truth and how to write what I feel, what I learn, what I live, without re-packaging it too much in an effort to "protect the innocent" so to speak.
I sometimes see my own writing as diving underground. I'm writing about things I've seen and thought and done, but there is a distance there, the distance that comes from turning my experiences into a story.
However, this doesn't mean that what I write isn't true, nor is it truly filtered for consumption. Rather, often the details are stripped away to get at the meat of what is going on, driving right to the core. It's that core that I really want to share with people, the other stuff I'm not as interested in splaying all over the place anymore.
This brings up a key difference between a paper diary and an online journal I think. My paper diary is still for the explosions, the recording of the details, the purging, the catharsis-making moments. The online journal is where I synthesize and tell about the catharsis. Here is where I make my life into story snippets, because after all, this is a narrative and there is usually a point of some kind for each entry, a point that I am making to myself, to remind myself of what I've been thinking and that I'd like to share.
At any rate, Lance's words for yesterday reminded me of that keenly and also made me smile and nod as I recognized the connection phenomenon that he was describing, in my own relationships.
In fact, that entry made me long for the days when I was surrounded by just such a group of friends, as I have been several times in the past.
I've been isolated for far too long: it's time to come out and look up at the sun again.
Thankfully I got a brief taste of that this weekend. My friend Leanne was in town for interviews and she came over for dinner. We stayed up talking until 2am and that conversation reaffirmed my joy in and belief in friendship.
Some things just ... last.