{Midnight Jokes}

September 5, 1999


Last night.

We're both very tired, but nervously awake after taking in The Sixth Sense at the local cineplex and a large-ish meal.

Curled up in bed, with the lights out and Pearl, tucked into the crook of my arm, I stared up at the ceiling thinking profound thoughts about life, death and immortality and rueing the day that I said, "Yes, let's go to dim sum tomorrow!"

"I set the alarm for 10am," declares Sabs firmly.
"Ugh, that's early," says I, eyeing the clock that balefully reveals the time: 3:30am.
"Well, you may stay in bed until 10:30," he grants mercy indulgently.

I rolled my eyes in the dark and quipped wittily, "Yes, master."

Whereupon Sabs utters this sleepiness-befuddled gem, delivered in a spot-on Yoda voice:

"Always two there are, a mattress ..."

Completely deadpan, I filled in the gap as he he paused, realizing that he'd flubbed the line slightly.

"... and a boxspring!"

Gales of laughter erupted from both of us and we rolled last and forth, tangling up the sheets in fits of amusement.

At last we calmed down a bit and then Sabs says,
"A Horus guard, a Serpent guard and a Seth guard ..."
He got no further before I busted out laughing again. This line is the beginning of a joke told by T'ealc, a very staid and deadpan warrior on the Showtime TV-series Stargate: SG-1. The punchline of course, is that no one really understands what this joke is about. What makes it funny is the expression on the characters' faces as T'ealc delivers the lines.

We finished the joke together:

"... arrive on a neutral planet. The moment is tense. The Horus guard's beak glows, the Serpent guard's fangs glisten, the Seth guard's nose ... drips!"

More laughter. More tangled sheets. More minutes tick off of the sleep clock.

Then a series of jokes about our cat, Mephisto ensued. Pearl is in heat, and we've been letting the very spayed Mephisto into the bedroom, in hopes that a) they'd get friendly and b) they'd get friendly, so that Pearl will HUSH UP at night and let us sleep as one cat care book recommended.

Sabs: "I am Mephisto of Borg, meow. Resistance is futile, meow. Prepare to be assimil- oooh! fish!"

Beth: "Hi, Mephisto, I'm Pearl. Wanna get it on?" "Hey babe, you're cute --- oooooooh whatcha got in that food bowl, huh?"

Yeah, we were getting pretty punchy there.

I tossed off one last "Always two there are ... a mattress ..."
And Sabs finished it, "... and a boxspring."

Then, at last, we did fall asleep, and with smiles on our faces too.

I slept like a baby.

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