Comments for Hortus Deliciarum

Comment on Stupid Brain and Massive Health[ism] by Daisybones

Daisybones — Sun, 20 May 2012 14:53:37 +0000

Oh, Heidi, my heart just sank reading this so belatedly. I have been in a whirl of acute panic and depression, too and I’m feeling really awful that we haven’t been in touch. I was in a hot bath contemplating taking all my pain pills just before my surgery, and I’ve never felt so close to self harm. I’m also much heavier than I was this time last year and am visibly “fat”. My weight is bothering me, and that makes me feel like an ass. Anyway, I really miss being in better contact with you and I’ll get in touch more intimately soon. Oceans of love to you, Garden Heidi!

Comment on Stupid Brain and Massive Health[ism] by Katie

Katie — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 19:02:22 +0000

“Is that drama-worthy enough to go private with? Is it drama-worthy at all? Apparently on Facebook it is.”

Ugh, no, it’s not. But I think that was her stuff, not yours.

Discerning what’s my stuff and what’s not my stuff is possibly THE single biggest benefit I’ve experienced from therapy (well, with the actually good therapist I’m with now, after several unhelpful ones). It’s what allows me to live with the FB drama in ways I couldn’t before.

I’ve considered deleting FB altogether many times, but not so much recently. Since I never deleted my FB page, what I ended up doing was just hiding people from my feed whose posts bothered me. But recently, I even found myself un-hiding all those folks and I’ve been fine with that. As I make progress on my own stuff, it’s much easier for me not to be affected by other people’s stuff.

What I do still have hidden/blocked are people who are actually assholes to me. But that is easier for me too now. I used to obsess over it, wondering what if they find out? Will they be mad at me? Am I just being oversensitive? Now I just go “oh, you’re an asshole. now you’re hidden. done.”

So my wish for you is that you can eventually get to that place, but knowing from personal experience how LONG that takes (in my case, 6ish years of intentional self-care work) that in the mean time you can take whatever steps you need to do to protect your sanity!

Comment on Stupid Brain and Massive Health[ism] by Tal

Tal — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 12:02:01 +0000

“How to connect with the people on Facebook without actually using Facebook is the dilemma.”

adhere to a no-reading-comments policy? so look at people’s status updates/photos/witty-offspring-moments, smile and force yourself to move on?

(i refuse to subscribe to FB, so this might not be helpful)

Comment on Stupid Brain and Massive Health[ism] by maggiemunkee

maggiemunkee — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 01:48:56 +0000

get rid of the facebook. i did it almost a year ago and my mental health improved dramatically. the people who want to keep in touch with find a way to do so.

your mental health isn’t worth knowing how many presents your college roommate’s cousin’s son got for his birthday this year.

Comment on Stupid Brain and Massive Health[ism] by heidi

heidi — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 21:08:46 +0000

I thought the same – 15.2%?! What a bizarre, screwy statistic.

Comment on Stupid Brain and Massive Health[ism] by Mulberry

Mulberry — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 21:06:55 +0000

15.2%? Out of whose ass did that statistic come? How do you even measure how much healthier someone eats than someone else? If you ate X for dinner, and I ate X plus a piece of cake, what percent healthier is your dinner than mine?
People often have friends who are similar to themselves in some characteristic. Does that mean that said characteristic is contagious?

Comment on What Goes Around – FA Resources? by Geri

Geri — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 11:46:41 +0000

I would love to see a ‘101′ space – something along the lines of http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/ – I think it’s a great idea. The FAQ at kateharding.net was my 101 page. I didn’t really get a lot of it at first, but its the page I keep returning to to learn more. I love the idea of 101 spaces.

Comment on Wanted: One Three-Day Weekend by Katie

Katie — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 16:47:30 +0000

holy crap that was an abhorrent shitpile on your FB page. Who ARE those people? If they were on my page, they’d be filtered from now on.

Comment on Wee Regrets by L.V.Newc

L.V.Newc — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 01:46:03 +0000

Boy howdy does this resonate with me (I literally found myself nodding along to this post, especially when you mentioned worrying ABOUT how much you worry, and also feeling guilty over something that happened years ago). I spend so much time thinking to myself “You worry too much. Your mental health would be so much better if you didn’t worry so much. You would feel better physically, too, if you stopped worrying all the time. You’re letting down your own values of faith and calm by worrying like this. It’s really terrible how much you worry…”– to the point that I feel like maybe the most deleterious aspect of being a worry-wart is the worrying about the worrying (what a phrase, ha).

Does this mean it would be “better” if I could just ACCEPT my worrying? It would certainly free up at least some emotional space and energy– to say, “Yep, I’m worrying again. It’s what I do.” I feel like I could rob the worries of some of their power, in that way– because worries LOVE to hide out on the back-burner, just breathing hot steam even after the stove has been turned off, ready to burn if you get too close. So would acknowledging that worry– “I see you, worry about X. I know that you’re there. I see you, and I accept you, because I know that it is in my nature to worry. And now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to continue with my day.”

I’m coming to this idea as I type, so I’ve never tried this. But I would be curious to know what you think of the idea, or if you’ve tried any other “strategies” for navigating the stomach flips and flops of worrying.

Thanks for your post!

Comment on Wee Regrets by Katie

Katie — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 03:56:50 +0000

Ugh, I shouldn’t comment using my phone. I found the quotation HELPFUL, SO I put the book on my list