Someone who’s eaten naturally their whole life will not understand what I mean when I say that the last few days it has been something like a miracle to finish a meal, still be a little hungry, and not have the first thought in my head be, “Ugh, I’m SUCH a loser for not being full on that meal. I’m such a fat pig. I hate myself!”
This morning I brought three hardboiled eggs in to work with me. Usually I’m full on two but I brought the third just in case. I had two along with a toasted English muffin and they were SO good. I was really hungry this morning and have been hungry a lot the last couple of days, maybe because of the change in weather and it being so cold. Sadly, I’m at reception this morning because our receptionist has a dentist’s appointment and I’m realizing I’m still hungry. The first thought was, “Oh, I’m glad I have that extra egg! Good for me for knowing that I’m hungry and having something that’s just right to eat!”
That little inner critic spoke up a bit afterward but her voice was quieter.
I have been reveling in the freedom of intuitive eating lately, of knowing that I can trust my body implicitly. I’ve been loving that I have control over the fights I choose to engage in and the fights that I choose to ignore and disengage from. That will be a long, long battle but I’ve started it. I am ready to start dealing with some of this baggage proactively and while it’s terrifying, it also is so remarkably freeing.
Also happy news? I have done the gutsiest thing EVER and gave the first chapter of one of my many stories to a friend to read. Let me just say that this is ginormous, because it made me feel physically ill once I’d done it. I never, ever trust my creative writing to other people. Research papers, sure. Hell, I’d cut and paste my semester paper here if I thought anybody ACTUALLY wanted to read about the future of digital libraries but my stories are my babies.
She liked it, noted that there were a few awkward bits, and demanded the next chapter. I’m going to rework it before I send it to her…but there you go. A brave thing done and I’m not dead yet! Still embarrassed and wary, perhaps, but not dead yet.
It’s not easy to put your creative stuff out there for anyone to see. They are like your babies. But since I started asking friends to read my stuff, I have more problem getting the feedback than I do in putting it out there. And *that* is really worrisome.
Peace,
Shannon
Shannon – problems getting them to give you the feedback, you mean?!
congratulations on both achievements!
And you KNOW I wasn’t lying to you, either! (I am trying to be very good and not get all impatient on your ass, too…)
I’ve been thinking very hard about what I want to change in the second chapter – it’s been written but now that I’m sharing it I have to make it better, you see ;p