Breastmilk isn’t a “miracle”, it’s just one option. A myopic focus on the value of breastmilk while dismissing the value of the people involved seems… backwards to me.

Dr. Sears LOVES to preach empathizing with your child.
What about empathy for other MOMS who may not be so lucky?

The thing is, breastmilk isn’t always available. My mum didn’t breastfeed me because she couldn’t, and if it wasn’t for formula I’d be toast.

That said, I get very impatient with the fascists who are so fanatical that they have no flexibility for different circumstances, no compassion and empathy for folks in difficult situations who must make difficult choices, and who have such a rigid definition of what’s acceptable that they torment people who don’t meet their exacting standards. Come on, a little compassion, people!

FWIW, I understand how difficult a challenging child can be. My first had terrible terrible colic, and because of many varied reasons, breastfeeding came *thisclose* to failing for us. Fortunately it worked out, but luck had a lot to do with it. And I totally understand how difficult pumping can be. Even with the best pump available, I could never pump very much at all. I had plenty of milk for nursing, but not for pumping. It’s not the same at all.

And in that situation, if there’s a separation, you just gotta do what you gotta do. Sanity is important too, and sleep is a significant component of maintaining sanity. If this is truly what you needed to do to maintain some sanity and be there the rest of the time for your child, then it’s what you needed to do. End of story.

Breastfeeding does not have to be all or nothing. Too many people think of it that way. It’s best for mom and baby generally if it’s exclusive, but sometimes circumstances dictate something in between….and that’s okay too, for heaven’s sake. Parenting is about being attached and loving, yes, but sometimes it’s about flexibility and sanity too. Everyone has to find their own road on this, what works for them.

Good on you for not letting them intimidate you.

in all seriousness though, it’s great if a parent chooses to breastfeed. and it’s great if someone can stay home and cater to the baby. but the world doesn’t end if that can’t happen. basically, the boobnazis were calling every adopted person a burden on society… every single mother/father a failed parent. and that’s patently ridiculous.

I am so unimpressed with what that woman said to you, and it shows such a lack of logic. Hoo boy. I was so unimpressed that I posted this (which will probably get the OP or someone else on my back, but I don’t care)

“how dare you.

how dare you say that because I was unable to breastfeed my child (oh yes, unable, and that is none of your business why or how I tried), that my child is *automatically* going to cost society more and help society less, that he will be less smart and less healthy.

So far, my toddler gets sick less often then the other children in our neighbourhood OR his day care, he consistently is above his age range in speaking and physical skills, and as he has parents who are teaching him about compassion towards others and how to be a useful part of society, I can guarantee you he will not be a burden on society.

How dare you insinuate that breastfeeding is the only right thing to do for every family, in every situation. How dare you tell any woman that the choice that she made – while trying to do the best for her child – is the wrong one. Way to go, pushing down mothers in a culture that does that just fine on it’s own.”

I find that anytime a child is difficult, that the parents get blamed either for being abusive or for not disciplining them or just being clueless, often at the same time. People just don’t understand high needs kids. Difficult personalities and high needs kids are often inborn and not changable. Such kids are simply a lot of work and exhausting; and rest is a prequisite for dealing with them. If a once a week formula feeding kept you sane, that was the right choice absolutely. I have a nephew with autism, and he is very difficult, it’s not due to my sister’s parenting; she does a spectacular job and he’d be a lot worse off in many hands; but simply to his genes. Two of my own are ADHD and good well-meaning kids; but their impulsiveness is not due to my parenting, which had a lot of attatchment stuff ( co-sleeping, 24 hour on-call nursing etc.). It’s their biochemistry. My eldest is depressed, no surprise, both his parents are; and we knew it and could see the early signs and get him the treatment he needed.

Hope that wasn’t too long, it’s a hot button issue with me that so many people seem to believe that autism, adhd, depression and other child mental differences are fairy tales made up by bad parents and/or created by bad parenting.

It’s not entirely justified…but at the same time, claiming that a formula-fed baby will not contribute to society as much as a breastfed one is, to my mind, creating a dual-class society. Those who are presumably “better” and breastfed and those that are less productive and more of a drain on society, the formula-fed.

I certainly am in no way saying that breastmilk is not the ideal food for a child. I exclusively breastfed my son for the first seven months of his life. I *am* questioning anybody who tells me that someone who has been fed formula is societally less acceptable/less valuable, and that is exactly what that woman was saying. She was not saying that breastmilk is better…she was saying that a *breastfed baby* is better.

I don’t buy that. I just don’t.

Formula is not poison. It is not the best foodsource for a baby but it is not poison. What is poisonous is the notion that parents differently than you do is creating a parasite.