• Home
  • About
  • Being a TCK
  • Crafting
  • Food
  • Step Outside
  • Intro

Hortus Deliciarum

Heidi's Hideaway (now with added class!)

Feed on
Posts
Comments
« Big boy
Koeln Archives »

Polite, yet firm

Feb 17th, 2009 by heidi

In the last couple of weeks, the INFJ-L listserv has been having a discussion on religion that, while generally polite, has pushed a lot of people’s buttons, including mine.

I don’t ever go out of my way to have a fight, but I also won’t hold back on voicing an opinion if I feel the need. I am, however, exceedingly careful about word usage in an in-depth discussion or response and it matters very much to me that while I may, occasionally, very subtly express dislike of someone’s attitudes, I do my best to limit commentary to their opinions.

What this means is that I agonize over nearly every word I put into type. I write, re-write, and then edit multiple times. It matters very much to me that I’m saying exactly what I mean to say and no more or less…and that I’m courteous in so doing.

Today I wrote the closest to a flame post to the list that I’ve ever done…and the reasons why I’m so careful have become abundantly clear to me as I recognize the physical toll it takes for me to be mean to someone. My hands shake. I get the shivers. I alternately feel vaguely superior and vaguely ashamed that I’ve given in to a base desire to get back at someone rather than taking the high road.

I’m not sorry for what I said…anybody who screams “STRAW MAN!” every time someone responds to him and then (intentionally?) misquotes someone else’s position that differs from his own sometimes needs to be spoken to in language he can understand, if he’s incapable of understanding courtesy. I’ve been told on the list by several people that I’m too “gentle” and that we (wishy-washy) INFJs aren’t being honest, but manipulative, and will never make a difference.

That may be so…but to paraphrase Puddleglum in The Silver Chair, I would rather say my truth tactfully and honestly, and live in a universe where people expect each other to be respectful, than have the “gift” of being hurtful without caring.

It’s when I give in to that base desire to inflict harm that I’m showing the worst in who I am, not the best. I rarely live up to my expectations for the person I should be…but I am always grateful that I also rarely give in to the very worst in myself too.

Edited to add: Just got an e-mail response from the guy in question. I deleted without reading – my stress level doesn’t need it!

Tags: heidi is mean

Posted in Everyday

Comments are closed.

  • Tags

    A&E allergies birthday Burkina Faso childhood Christmas Ciaran clothes dreams fantasy fat fiction friendship good intentions grad school HAES hating exercise heidi is angry heidi is ill heidi is mean heidi is weird hot as hell immigration misery Issues in the Fatosphere Mad Mummies Mamuciam/Mancunia memes memories More About Me mosaic Moving once upon a time ii photos prizes rants rants reading Scales are for fish shopping taciturn tuesdays TCK therapy Third-Culture Kids Worrying yay consumerism!
  • RSS Notes from the Fatosphere

  • Archives

    • Authors

      • Dear Author…
      • Neil Gaiman
      • Patrick Rothfuss
      • Robin McKinley
      • Stephen Fry
      • Writer Unboxed
    • Blogroll

      • A Fat Girl, A Fat Horse
      • Ad Imaginem Dei
      • apples for fife
      • Beth in France
      • CTJen
      • Daisybones
      • Dooce
      • Flea Market Trixie
      • Immunosuppressed Knitter
      • Julia
      • Love Nordic Design Blog
      • Moodswings
      • My Improvisational Life
      • Native Appropriations
      • No Celery Please
      • Random Ramblings
      • Spilt Milk
      • Stainless Steel Droppings
      • Sugar City
    • Crafting Blogs

      • A Spoonful of Sugar
      • always expect moore
      • Bloesem Kids
      • Bloom
      • Blue Velvet Chair
      • Bolt Neighborhood
      • Carolyn's Homework
      • Craftberry Bush
      • Craftgossip – Needlework
      • Crafts by Amanda
      • Crafty Storage
      • Craftynest
      • Craftzine
      • Creative Jewish Mom
      • Crow Roosters Crow
      • curbly
      • Daisy Yellow
      • Deep Space Sparkle
      • fellow fellow
      • Filth Wizardry
      • Five Days, Five Ways
      • Folding Trees
      • Garden Mama
      • Geninne's Art Blog
      • Home Sweet Homemade
      • Honest to Nod
      • How About Orange
      • Just Something I Made
      • Kanelstrand
      • Kinderpendent
      • Kleas
      • Lauren Elise Crafted
      • made
      • Make and Takes
      • maya*made
      • Meet the Dubiens
      • mini-eco
      • Mod Podge Rocks
      • Modern Parents Messy Kids
      • Mousehouse
      • Natural Suburbia
      • Nifty Thrifty
      • One Pretty Thing
      • persia lou
      • Red Bird Crafts
      • Rhythm of the Home
      • Salvage Savvy
      • sweet paul
      • The Artful Parent
      • The Chocolate Muffin Tree
      • The Crafty Crow
      • The Floss Box
      • The Graphics Fairy
      • The Long Thread
      • The Magic Onions
      • The Pleated Poppy
      • The Purl Bee
      • The Trendy Treehouse
      • Wabi-Sabi Wanderings
      • Wise Craft
      • You Go Girl
      • You had me at bonjour
      • Zach Aboard
    • Foodie Blogs

      • Bakerella
      • Chef’s Muse
      • Chez Pim
      • Crockpot 365
      • How To Eat A Cupcake
      • Joy the Baker
      • Mennonite Girls Can Cook
      • Nourishing Gourmet
      • Smitten Kitchen
      • Soy and Pepper
      • TasteSpotting
      • The Thrifty Gourmet
      • The Wednesday Chef
    • Garden Blogs

      • Aiken House & Gardens
      • Plant Talk
    • LIS

      • Cataloging Futures
  • Meta

    • Log in
    • Entries feed
    • Comments feed
    • WordPress.org

Hortus Deliciarum © 2022 All Rights Reserved.

Free WordPress Themes | Fresh WordPress Themes