20 April 1999

Pressure

That song by Queen is running through my head. You know, the one that was turned into "Ice, Ice Baby" in the eighties.

Dum-dum-dum-da-da-dum-dum ... under pressure ...

Deadlines looming left and right, I feel like I am going to drown in the insistence of everyone around me.

Where is my costume? What is my costume status? How's that ColdFusion application coming along? Do you have anything ready to demo yet? When do you estimate the project can move into the beta phase?

It's enough to make me scream.

Not to mention the classes at AU that I have been ritually cutting. I called and wrote to both profs saying that I had problems. One never called back and every time I try to call her she's not in her office. The other one was ill and wrote me a message saying that we should get together last week. I wrote back saying any day after work was good for me and asked when was good for her. She either didn't get my message or never wrote back.

I know I should be trying harder to get a hold of them, but it's all I can do drag myself home in one piece in the evenings these days.

This amounts to my future as a graduate student being a very large question mark.

I shudder to think at how many people I have offended or let down.

Yet even though I have let just about everything but the sewing and work slide, I still feel those two things slipping out of my grasp.

I am climbing a slippery slope, with the shouts and cat-calls of an unseen crowd all around me, the top is within reach, but every time I come close I fall again and slide almost all the way back to the bottom.

I don't know how much longer I can keep on going this way.

I am a fool twice over for trying to do too much at once.

I am the queen of biting off more than I can chew.