On the one hand, a potential career in academics, a Phd perhaps a professorial position. On the other, a potential career in IT services and web design. On one hand, a semester full of yet more stressful nights trying to balance school and work. On the other, a reprieve where my time is my own once again.

On one hand, a fledgeling business doing something that I have always loved, perhaps a chance to finally blend craft, heart and work. On the other, fears about financial security and lack of intellectual stimulation.

I am faced with a welter of doubts about what the wisest course of action is for me right now. A few months ago I was handed, what I considered to be a golden opportunity to continue my education. Tempered now by the realities of the situation, I am now struggling to decide whether to cut back my hours at work and hence take a proportional pay cut, quit school, since I cannot reduce my courseload, quit this school and get a different job that pays more money so I can afford to go to school, one class at a time, or quit working at a company, and expand on what could potentially be a good, in-home business that permits me to go to school full-time.

It's a tough one. I'm having trouble seeing clearly what's best for me. I feel trapped by the limitations of each choice: none of them seem satisfactory to me and I am hesitant to make a decision because it could have such long-term impact on my life.

For example, if I quit school now, then I may have a much harder time going back, or even getting into the type of program that I want to be in later. If I cut back my hours, or quit altogether, I am looking at a serious drop in income, that Sabs and I can ill-afford at this time. A pay-cut means we'd be hard-pressed to pay the rent. Getting another job entails giving up the research assistantship that I currently have, since any new job would probably be far more demanding than my current one. I just can't have it all.

And I have to decide, what is more important to me at this moment in time.

In the meantime, I would love to have a night of uninterrupted, quality sleep to make up for all the missed minutes of dreamtime that have accrued over the past several months. And in just ten days, I will turn a quarter of a century old.

Yet I am so absorbed by the tasks at hand that I can barely focus on the fact that I have a birthday coming. And an important one at that, for it heralds the last legal ties as a dependent to my parents. From here on out, I am a the sole entity representing me. I no longer have to report my parents' income when I apply for financial aid. I can rent a car. I can pay full-price in Europe for things that were half-price before.

In some ways, twenty-five is the last milestone age to adulthood in this country. In some ways, that is a very terrifying thought.