4 June, 1998
Politico

I am no good at the game of politics. Political aspirations just don't seem to be in my blood. Office politics are my nemesis. They make my skin crawl and send shivers of dread running up my spine. I don't even like to think about what it is I'm supposed to be doing, to impress Joe-Supervisor in order to get what I want and make everyone happy. I am, in fact, terrible at the politics game.

I do not know how to strike the balance between respect and firmly telling someone how something needs to be done. I do not know how to make my projects seem important enough in the eyes of the powers that be, to get the attention that they deserve/need to get complete. I do not know how to put myself forward just enough so that I am recognized, without stepping on any toes.

I am a corporate namby-pamby. A wimp, a spineless worm in the totem pole, who just sits and shuts up and does her job.

I turned in a proposal today. A proposal which was supposed to have a meeting attached to it according to the new Joe-Director. I turned up early at work for this, on a day when I routinely am here until 11PM. No signal to meet, no e-mail requesting my presence showed up at the time agreed-upon for the meeting. So I meekly printed out my proposal, checked it over and delivered it into the hands of Joe-Supervisor. He sat at his desk, typing on the computer. I cleared my throat, he looked up, I handed him the papers. "Oh ..okay, very well, send me an e-mail copy".

That was it. No questions about it, no inquiries into the soundness of my ideas. Just ... "Okay". I cleared my throat again.

"Um ... sir? You might want to look that over before you send it up to the prospective client ...?"

His answer after glancing at the pages briefly: "Oh it looks fine to me, and I'm sure it's much more intelligent than what we have now."

I appreciate the confidence. Really I do. But I guess I'm confused about how these things are supposed to work. Or maybe my own insecurities about my ability to my job are just getting in the way. But I definitely do not understand corporate structure, corporate methods and all of the intricate dance of corporate behaviors. And this, in a company which is very much lacking in all of those things, much less political and string-pulling than many out there ... at least in this department and at this level.

Like I said. I just don't get it and I don't know how to do it.

Maybe all that astrological mumbo-jumbo means something after all. According to a profile of Aquarians I once read, I should look for a field of employment which is attached to a worthy cause. Given how well I blend into the corporate sector, maybe they're right and I should look for something which is more in tune with my high-falutin' moralistic ideals.